Letters from North America

A point I’ve made in the past concerns product testing. I would assume (perhaps falsely) that when a product is designed, before it’s put into production, someone (I don’t care who) actually tries to use it. I know this may sound irrational, but just call me crazy, what do I care?

I mean to me this is only logical. But having said this I’m beginning to wonder if the word ‘logic’ and ‘business’ can be used in the same sentence. I know it can be when you say ‘government’…..you can never use ‘logic’ at the same time. I think it’s kind of like those spelling rules we learned in elementary school…..you know… ‘i’ before ‘e’ or something like that.

To prove my point lets examine a few products I know we’ll all familiar with and that you can probably relate to:

Plastic cereal bags inside the box- The way I figure it, the intention of these bags is to insure freshness for something like two hundred years. I don’t know if there is an expiration date on a cereal box, but in my opinion, there isn’t any reason for one to exist. Unless you open one of these, there simply isn’t any way for air, water, moisture, steam, sweat, carbon dioxide or any other element to destroy the natural snap, crackle and pop of your favorite breakfast meal. The fact that you have to use something on the order of tin shears to open a bag should be an indication of how serious the manufacturer is about keeping their stuff fresh. If George Washington had these at Valley Forge, the ones unused could still be used in Iraq.

Speaking of tin shears, if you drink wine, keep those babies out on the kitchen counter. It seems the wine companies are sealing their bottles with tin and are almost impossible to cut open so you can get to the cork. Wine in a box is looking more and more attractive to me.

Medicine bottles (see how easy it is for me to transition?) don’t need any comment as we all know how difficult these are to open. They are obviously ‘child proof’ but after trying open one where you have to squeeze and then press down or press down and then squeeze, you end up spilling the pills out on the floor and you think your dog has grabbed a couple and wolfed them down. So you grab the animal, open their mouths and not finding anything, go back and try counting the pills to see if they are all there. I’m careful with my vitamins and supplements and haven’t had this problem, but a friend of mine with E.D told me his dog embarrassed himself at a birthday party for their family. This is probably one of those urban legends.

Bought any music lately? Tried getting into one of those CD ‘jewel’ boxes? I’ve found the best way is to just take a hammer to one and smash it open, and then I buy another case for it from some electronics store. It saves me a lot of grief and frustration. Of course you have to be careful that you don’t crunch the CD, I’ve done that a time or two.

I’ve saved the best for last. Those ‘clam shell’ cases that are used to package just about everything. Tin shears are not useful for these. You need industrial saws and drills; sometimes a sledge hammer is most effective. By the time you actually touch the product, you’re so mad and worn out… all of the joy of buying it in the first place has melted away and you’re hacked at yourself for getting all sweaty and frustrated over a piece of plastic. I realize these are designed to prevent theft, but couldn’t they work a deal out where they would actually open the box for you after you have paid for it? Who hasn’t cut their hands or fingers on one of these? A paper cut is sissy stuff compared to one of these.

My original point was that I don’t see how anyone in their right mind could package these things and then not try to see how easy or difficult they were to open. But there I go using logic again. If they do use product tester, they must be about fifteen years old and into heavy body building.

I was watching the nuclear buildup going on in Iran and I think I have stumbled upon a reason. Iran’s population is getting older and they need to build some sort of nuclear device to help their aging population open these Western packaging issues. We are to blame.

We might want to consider looking into this as well. Tin shears and electric saws don’t seem to be working for me.

Comments got to www.pearyperry.com. Complaints go nowhere.