Letters from North America

In my opinion anyone who thinks that being married is a 50/50 type of relationship is one of the following:

1. single
2. newly married
3. divorced

They are most certainly NOT long time married. I mean long time, as in years and years long. Like my wife and me.

No, being married for a long period of time requires a 110% commitment from each person involved. Without such a commitment, I am convinced the relationship will end in failure. Oh, it’s all wine and roses when you are dating and playing the game, but it all changes after the knot if tied. Then it becomes real and each of you has to learn to adjust to the individual quirks and traits of the other. All of the little things that you skimmed over during the courting process now must either be a bone of contention or something you just learn to live with. In fact after you’ve been married for any length of time you find that you’re able to read each others minds and even fill in their sentences. I’m sure long time married couples can relate to this.

Take me for instance, to tell the truth I wouldn’t want to live with me. I wonder why my wife does. I must drive her completely batty. I know I have some weird habits which we won’t discuss here, but trust me they would certainly seem strange to you if I explained them to you. Here are just a couple. I am a neat freak and like to know where everything is at all times. I like the pantry to be organized. It drives me nuts when the spice rack is out of alphabetical order. My kids think its great fun to put basil in front of allspice, or bay leaves where celery salt would go. I don’t think it’s funny at all. I like all of my clocks to have the same time. I don’t think that’s strange, but someone in our house (and it isn’t the dog) keeps moving the hands around. I’m convinced it’s a plot to drive me crazy.

The reason for my telling you this is that my wife and I have been on this quest to find the perfect chili dog in our town. Don’t make fun; everyone has to have a goal and a hobby. We look up the menus for various places and then go out on Saturday afternoon and try them out. The difference in what folks call chili dogs is really astonishing, I have enough for another column on this subject. I’m sure you will be waiting.

Anyway, the other day my lovely wife decides to throw her hand into the chili dog contest and makes some at the house. I have been rating the places we’ve to with a one to five star rating. Only one place has gotten a five star so far, but I’m still looking.

So how did I rate my wife's hot dogs? I gave her a four. I should have lied and made it a five. Then she asked why she didn’t get a five…and I told her….big mistake. Newly married guys…do not do this.

I told her the bun was weird ….wheat instead of white. She says it’s healthier than the white ones. I figure chili hot dogs can’t be healthy, so why try? The buns split at the bottom, and the wiener fells out…. she says that isn’t her fault, they were made that way. No relish and the cheese was like processed instead of from the can…all in all not that bad, but not a five in my opinion.

In trying to make up for being stupid, I went back and added that the chips were a five and were very crisp. The pickles were a nice added touch and the service was excellent. The atmosphere was very good and the bathrooms were clean and had fresh towels and a good supply of soap. Those were all fives in my mind. Oh, and the place was well lit and easy to get around in…..

Did I mention that the service was excellent?

I don’t think any of this made any difference since she listened to my evaluation with her arms folded (always a bad sign) and then told me in no uncertain terms that the next time I wanted a hot dog at home…..I could go and make it myself.

Come to think of it, this wasn’t such a good idea after all. You’d think after all these years I would have learned.

So there you go, another week…..

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